I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore

He rubs his arms. They’re covered in gooseflesh- he’s always cold. The scratching of his cat’s claws against the screen door almost makes him want to scream. Everything makes him want to scream- it’s a screaming-for-no-reason-except-that-I’m-frustrated-and why-I-can’t-understand type of day.

A little taste of hypocrisy

Everything feels dirty. The air, the keys of his piano. He rubs his hands again, killing the germs. Germs always trying to catch him off guard.

And I'm left in the wake of the mistake
slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant

He leans back and tries to relax, he spends most of his time just trying to relax. Relax. Relax. It sounds so easy when it’s just the word running through your head haphazardly and you’re not trying to apply it to yourself.

Tense is easier.

Tense is familiar.

And I can't bring you back

All through the basement, in ever word he speaks into the silence to shatter it again for no reason, he hears her echo.

She that never was. She that he just imagined. And wished he hadn’t because now she’s was gone.

He was supposed to be in college right now.

It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories

He was in college right now. But he wasn’t the way he was supposed to be. He should have been the silent genius that sat in the back and looked like he wasn’t paying attention but when the teacher says and you? The one too good to pay attention? Do you know the answer? And he does. Says it not too smug but just enough so the teacher knows he’s been show up. Cocky without being cocky.

But that’s not how it was.

He was here, skipping class and not caring. Picking at his old Fender that he didn’t wanna play. Just to be strumming the keys again- it’s been awhile.

Even if you're not with me I'm with you

If she had been real, this would be so easy. So easy. Because then he’d have a name to call out into that blanketing stillness that keeps coming back. No matter what he does.

A fluttering. He knows what the fluttering is- he hates the fluttering-he tenses up and tries to turn around because he needs to be able to see that…

Roach.

He knew it was there.

You, now I see, keeping everything inside
with you
You, now I see,
Even when I close my eyes

He didn’t want to look at it. He didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to give it the satisfaction. He jumps and heads for the door. Something lands on his shoulder.

Every single fiber of his being wanted to scream. But that was just for a brief second.

It fades so quickly.

He reaches up to brush it off.

I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floo
r the rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real

Some things just cannot be explained. Some things happen and you don’t mention them because they’re just things and its not important.

He touched the roach.

It squirms, creeps, he can feel the tiny hooks of its feet in his shoulders.

He didn’t want to, but it was just the thing at the time.

The horror sets in and in a flash he slaps his shoulder, screaming so short and so briefly it was more like a squeak.

I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake
slow to react
So even though you're close to me
You're still so distant

The roach is dead on the floor. He doesn’t feel any remorse, now, but he did when he thought about it before, when he touched the roach briefly and it was creeping under his fingers.

And I can't bring you back

She had never really done anything, had she?

Maybe she was supposed to live.

Or maybe the roach deserved to live more than she did.

Twiiiissted. Reelllaxxx...

well, it's true!!!

...
I was confused. But I think I get it somewhat. And I LIKE IT! BRILLIANT! And potatoes and coconuts and such...

tank you lol